But then as I was doing my very best to make better use of my personal time, the adjectives started pouring in over the news feeds: Frail… confused… lost… doddering. What happened?
Out of all of the predictions about the outcome of the Mueller investigation, the one thing that probably surprised all of us was that Mueller turned out to be a senile old man.
Looking back, there were a few breadcrumbs. Three months ago when Buzzfeed led the fake news cycle for 24 hours with a false story about Trump “directing” attorney Michael Cohen to lie to Congress, Mueller made a brief public appearance. He read a prepared statement, declared the Buzzfeed story categorically false, and disappeared without answering any questions. When the “Mueller” Report was finally released, he read a brief written statement and boogied out of the room again.
Any time a reporter has actually made it close enough to ask him a question in the past two years, Mueller ducks his head and walks away. Now we know why.
It appears that Grandpa Mueller spent the entirety of the “Mueller investigation” looking for his slippers, eating soft food and trying to guess the puzzle before Vanna White turns all the letters around.
Meanwhile, Clinton attack dog Andrew Weissmann and Clinton Foundation attorney Jeannie Rhee ran the actual anti-Trump investigation.
Grandpa Mueller spent hours in front of a House committee being grilled, but the most common words coming out of his mouth were, “Could you repeat the question?”
The rest of the time, he stared around the room in confused fashion. At one point, he whipped his head around for 15 seconds, trying to figure where the disembodied voice of a congressman was coming from.
The Democrats then tried to come to Mueller’s rescue. Every time one of them would begin questioning him, they’d frantically wave their hands until he made eye contact with them. “I’m over here, Grandpa!”
Once again, Democrats suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome have derailed a carefully orchestrated Deep State theater production. “Lifelong Republican” Robert Mueller was selected by Obama’s Harvard buddy Rod Rosenstein to be the face of the Russian collusion investigation.
Mueller’s presence, because he is a “Republican” (sort of like Jeb! is a “Republican”), was supposed to mitigate the fact that the investigative team was entirely made up of Clinton donors and in the case of Jeannie Rhee, Hillary’s personal attorney. Mueller’s presence was supposed to make the probe legit.
When Mueller issued the report written by Weissmann and Rhee, he was then supposed to ride off into the sunset. His work was done and now it was up to Congress to impeach Trump. He announced that the report was his testimony. He had nothing further to say.
Mueller was never meant to testify, because that was part of the carefully orchestrated script!
But the Democrats, led by Pencil Neck Adam Schiff, weren’t in on the big plan from the Deep State. They absolutely insisted that Mueller had to come testify. The Deep State stalled, but Mueller was finally dragged in to spill the beans… and look at the result. It was a complete and total disaster for the hapless Democrats. They went off script again and ruined the whole movie!
Mueller was a figurehead for the fake Russian collusion coup attempt, and the American public was never meant to know that Mueller is actually a frail old man who doesn’t have all his faculties.
Think about it: If you were Adam Schiff, would you have demanded that Mueller come in and testify if you knew he was in such rough shape? Not a chance!
The Democrat Party’s big moment of triumph when Grandpa Mueller was going to reveal the truth and arrest President Trump for emoluments, treason and collusion… fizzled out. Trumped again!
If I was feeling particularly gleeful about the Democrats’ ordeal, this is the part of the article where I would normally make a joke about Mueller needing adult undergarments.
By the way, when his wife asked him what he wanted to wear to the big hearing, he yelled back, “Depends!”
Sorry. Needed to get that out of my system after Pencil Neck Schiff’s farce of a hearing. Mueller may be an old fogey, but he’s still a villain working for the Bad Guys. I will never cut him any slack in this life or the next, because of what he did to Republican Senator Ted Stevens all those years ago.
In the realm of actual real news as it relates to Russian collusion, John Solomon of The Hill has broken a big story that has Washington panicking today. Mystery man Joseph Mifsud has flipped. He’s cooperating with Attorney General Bill Barr’s probe into the origins of the Russian collusion hoax, the unlawful campaign spying, the FISA warrant abuse and the attempted coup.
For those who need a reminder on the timeline:
George Papadopoulos joins the Trump campaign in July of 2016. Joseph Mifsud comes out of nowhere and tells Papadopoulos, “Hey, the Russians have dirt on Hillary, and they’d like to help the Trump campaign.”
Papadopoulos then mentions to the Australian ambassador, “Hey, I heard something about some Russians having some dirt on Hillary.” The ambassador then called the FBI and told them Papadopoulos was colluding with the Russians.
If the mysterious Joseph Mifsud, who lives across the street from the Vatican in Rome, turns out to be a Russian intelligence agent, then part of the Russian collusion story would have been true. But Mifsud wasn’t Russian intelligence. He was and is a Western intelligence agent – meaning the entire “Russian collusion” coup attempt really was hatched by Clinton loyalists in the Deep State.
If John Solomon’s reporting is true – and he’s been pretty accurate all along – then Joseph Mifsud is spilling the beans about Hilary Clinton, John Brennan, James Comey, Loretta Lynch, Barack Obama and the rest of the co-conspirators.
We might finally see some Russian collusion arrests happening in the near future. But, sorry Democrats, President Trump won’t be one getting handcuffs slapped on him.