You no doubt heard about the horrific gun violence that took this past weekend– 7 dead, 52 wounded and zero suspects arrested in Chicago. Oh, wait, sorry. You did not hear about those horrific shootings, because the attackers were all the wrong skin color. The incredible rate of violence in the gang- and immigrant-infested city of Chicago is actually what’s known as “a normal weekend.”

Before anyone hyperventilates, let’s be clear: You are far more statistically likely to be kicked to death by a donkey than to be gunned down by a white nationalist at Walmart. With that in mind, can we have an intelligent discussion about gun violence? Thanks.

President Trump is wrong. Ugh…

Ow…

That hurt.

Didn’t think I’d ever be writing those four words, but there they are. The so-called “Red Flag” laws that Trump and all the other politicians are pushing right now will not prevent a single mass shooting. Instead, it will be the death knell of America’s beloved Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms.

You will not be made safer by a federal red flag law. Instead, you will gain the ability to have the police show up at your door to confiscate your firearms because your dentist, your mailman, an enraged ex-boyfriend or some other jerk was able to convince a judge that you are a dangerous gun owner.

Here’s another thing that pains me to write: The president of Mexico is right. (Ha!)

The Mexican president is scorching America right now by claiming that our government is not doing enough to protect the lives of Mexican citizens within our territory, following the shooting of several Mexican nationals at an El Paso Walmart. You are so right, Mr. President of Mexico. America is a dangerous hotbed of white nationalists.

Perhaps this season of hatred in America will pass one day, but for now, here are two preventative measures you can take immediately to protect the lives of all of your people, Mr. President of Mexico.

First, issue a declaration encouraging all of your citizens to move back home right now. We understand this move is a monumental task and to show you our gratitude for stepping up and speaking out we’ll just send back all the illegals. It’s obviously not safe for them here. Better safe than sorry!

The second safety measure that you could undertake, once all of your Mexican citizens are safely back in Mexico, is an idea that I humbly like to call El Grande WALL-o! Imagine if you will, Mr. President of Mexico, a giant, impermeable barrier that stretches from sea to shining sea along your northern border. This would prevent your peaceful people from accidentally wandering onto the American side of the border, where dangerous white nationalists are lurking in the bushes.

Make it happen, El Jefé! Call your people home to safety and then build El Grande WALL-o.

On a more serious note, there’s actually a much simpler way to figure out this mass shooting “epidemic.” Mass shootings are a relatively new phenomenon. They didn’t use to happen all the time in America. Prior to the 1980s, the only incident I can even think of off the top of my head was the water tower guy in Texas in the 1960s.

We were obviously doing something right previously, which prevented mass shootings from happening in the first place. What was it?

I can think of two things.

First, our immigration laws have changed–drastically. In short, we are no longer just admitting the brightest and best from abroad. Right now anyone from anywhere can cross our border (particularly our Southern border) and waltz in like they own the place. It is a statistical fact that half of all prominent mass shootings are carried out by first- or second-generation immigrants.

Remember the “white nationalist” Garlic Festival shooter from just a week ago in California? Police found mountains of Islamic literature in his home. The media dropped that story like a hot potato, didn’t they?

If the politicians really wanted to reduce mass shootings in America, there’s one solution right off the bat: Impose a total moratorium on all immigration for at least two or three generations. We don’t have any worker shortages in any field in this country, so why continue taking in 200,000 foreign nationals every month? Especially when they’re much more statistically likely to snap and go on a shooting spree?

Let’s set aside the immigrant mass shooters for a moment, though, since the politicians will never have the masculine courage to conduct mass deportations to protect us.

Here’s the second thing that is different about America today, compared to our pre-mass shooting days: We used to lock dangerous schizophrenics up in state taxpayer-funded insane asylums. One common thread among many mass shooters today is that they are barely functional, mentally ill people. They frequently cannot hold down a job and they are always one step away from joining the ranks of the homeless in our cities. We used to lock those people up.

But in the 1960s, the bleeding hearts at the American Psychiatric Association convinced bleeding heart politicians that it was “dehumanizing” to keep dangerous mentally ill patients housed in assisted living treatment facilities.

By the early 1980s, all of the taxpayer-funded facilities were shut down. While their intentions may have been good at the time, the do-gooders who shut the asylums down created two brand-new, previously unknown social problems in America: Homelessness and mass shootings. Was it worth it?

Many people have noted another common thread is that a lot of the mass shooters were medicated with Prozac and other anti-psychotic, mind-altering drugs. I’ve often wondered if the drugs are a contributing factor myself.

But what if this is a chicken-or-the-egg situation? They’re being prescribed these drugs because there was something “off” about them to begin with. Are the drugs making them do it, or were they going to do it eventually anyway, because we don’t detain them in a treatment facility where they can’t steal their uncle’s AR-15?

State-level “red flag” laws are already getting peaceful, law-abiding, non-mentally ill Americans killed by the police when they show up in the dead of night to confiscate firearms. A federal version of that won’t prevent a single mass shooting in America.

How about if we try some things that were actually proven to work? How about locking up the dangerous nuts for their own good and ours, and while we’re at it, stop allowing so many foreign mass shooters to immigrate here?