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If Joe Biden Clinched the Nomination in a Forest, Would the Media Notice?

admin June 9, 2020 News Comments Off on If Joe Biden Clinched the Nomination in a Forest, Would the Media Notice?

The excitement and momentum of presidential nominating contests are incredibly memorable for those of us who follow politics. The day when a candidate finally crosses the finish line, whether they are a Republican or a Democrat, is always noteworthy. America is deciding who will run the country for the next four years, so this moment is always a really big deal. Well, almost always. Joe Biden clinched the nomination a week ago, garnering 2,004 delegates to officially become the Democrat Party’s standard bearer for 2020. And no one even noticed.

We’ve all known that the Democrat Party was going to hand the nomination to Biden since last April, when Hillary’s employees at the DNC forced Bernie Sanders to courageously take a knee (again). But did you know he won the national primary last Tuesday? I didn’t! And as you may have noticed, I follow politics pretty closely.

Biden received the official word that he had won on Friday, but the District of Columbia and seven states held their primaries last Tuesday. This was a bit odd, after we have been told for the past few months that it is literally too dangerous for the public to vote in person due to the Chinese virus. Democrats have been demanding vote-by-mail as the new national standard.

And yet the District of Columbia, New Mexico, Maryland, Pennsylvania and other states where there were literal riots and violence in the streets, held their nominating contests last Tuesday. What happened to that whole “voting is too dangerous” thing?


Joe Biden is now the oldest person to ever seek the presidency. Meanwhile, two of the Democrat Party’s core constituencies – Black Lives Matter and George Soros’ noodle-armed Color Revolutionaries – are destroying the country that Biden’s handlers want to rule over. This presents a problem for Joe. On the one hand, these two constituencies are the least likely to vote in November. But on the other hand, they are the loudest voices in America thanks to the media.

How is Joe Biden going to stay on the fence and encourage somewhat normal, everyday Democrats to vote for him, while appeasing the radicals? I don’t think it can be done.

Defunding police departments to combat racism is the new cause du jour of BLM and Soros’ can’t-even-get-a-date-with-a-mask-on shock troopers. Normal people are horrified by this idea. Talking about defunding the police out loud is proof that the Democrat Party’s leaders have lost so many IQ points that they’re starting to sound like Libertarians.

To their credit, Joe Biden’s handlers have made him issue a statement from his basement campaign headquarters, stating that Biden does not support defunding the police. But how long is Joe going to be able to hold that position before he’s forced to recant? Joe Biden has been forced by the mob to renounce the “1994 Biden Crime Bill” with his name and fingerprints all over it. Biden was even forced to renounce hair-sniffing – and you know how much he loves hair-sniffing! That would be like Rachel Maddow of MSNBC calling Russian collusion a “hoax.”

No one in the Democrat Party’s old guard – the people who are running Biden’s actual campaign – seem to really understand what’s happening in America right now. Biden’s campaign is kicking its “youth voter outreach” program into high gear. Gotta show those kids that Joe is down for the struggle and hip to kids’ issues!

Here’s the master plan that the Democrat establishment is convinced will get young voters to really connect with the 80-year-old Biden: Virtual “happy hours” on Zoom, in which viewers are apparently encouraged to drink for an hour straight while looking at Joe Biden on a computer screen… and virtual brunches.

Brunch with Joe Biden on a computer screen. Because nothing will make a criminal put down his brick faster than the opportunity to have a pretend brunch with Joe Biden! Make sure you turn up your record player so you can hear Joe clearly. Has he told you the one about Corn Pop, or the way that black children like to touch his hairy legs in the pool?

2020 is turning out to be an incredibly exciting year, but with the most boring presidential contest ever. Hopefully once he suppresses the riots and restores order, President Trump will hit the campaign trail and liven up this joint. He won’t be holding any virtual brunches. And I guarantee he’s going to be bringing up Ukraine again.

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