I don’t know about you, but I never get tired of watching President Donald Trump’s uncanny ability to trigger his enemies into being even crazier. He spends most of his time being presidential and winning for America, so we only get to see snippets of Trump at his very best these days.
Hopefully, as the 2020 campaign ramps up into full gear, we’ll get to see more of our favorite version of Trump. To tide us over until that happens, we can sit back and laugh at the global warming kooks. Man, did Trump trigger those weirdos!
I noted Trump’s masterful use of rhetoric to fillet the global warming cultists a few weeks ago, when he made an “offhand” comment at the G-7 meeting. When asked about the possibility of signing America up for some new, equally stupid revamped version of Obama’s Paris Accord (which Trump nuked his first month in office), the president told the reporters that America wasn’t going to waste any more of its money on “dreams.”
This has thrown the cult of global warming’s acolytes into sputtering fits of stark raving-mad lunacy. Because global warming is the newest and most fashionable cult of the left, it’s never pretty when the true believers have to butt heads with reality.
The late author Michael Crichton gave one of the best explanations I’ve ever read for the doctrines of the global warming cult. It’s simply a perversion of the creation and apocalypse narratives from Christianity, coupled with the Medieval indulgences of the Roman Catholic church for salvation.
Paraphrasing Crichton, early man was in an idyllic state in the garden of the unpolluted natural world. Sin then entered the perfect garden when Adam and Steve discovered coal and other nasty fossil fuels. Fossil fuels then tainted and polluted the garden, while turning Adam and Steve into yucky capitalists. The result of all this sin entering the world (cars, airplanes, air conditioning, penicillin, deodorant, soap, plastic straws, etc.) is that Mother Earth is getting too hot and all life on earth will be exterminated UNLESS WE ACT NOW.
Your personal carbon sins, however, can be washed away and you can be whole again if you pay a large enough donation to the Church of Global Warming, by purchasing carbon credits from the Church. Hallelujah!
I normally don’t mock anyone for their personal religion unless they are a Scientologist or a Unitarian, but to borrow a phrase from my kids, these global warming kooks are whack. They genuinely believe this stuff. If you just give them all your money and grant them control over the economy and every aspect of your life, they think it will appease their volcano gods and prevent the earth from being destroyed in something like eleven and a half years from now. And when that deadline comes and goes, well, “The science isn’t perfect” will be the excuse and then it will be right back to “We only have twelve years to save the planet!”
Immediately after Donald Trump made his remark that global warming policy is a bunch of “dreams,” the cultists cranked the crazy dial up to 11. Speaking of Unitarians, Union Theological Seminary has set up a display in one of its buildings. They plopped a bunch of dirt and twigs on the floor, and then brought in a display of cattails, ferns and other plants. Students are being told to gather in groups so that they can confess their sins to the plants… in response to our “climate emergency.”
When normal people started making tree-hugger jokes on Twitter about the event, Union Theological Seminary got all snooty and defensive about it. “If you’re poking fun, we’d ask only that you also spend a couple moments asking: Do I treat plants and animals as divinely created beings? How can I enter into new relationship with the natural world?”
Just off the top of my head, I think I’ll drive my SUV into a pristine forest and shoot a deer with an AR-15… a little Bambi deer, created just for me by Jesus. Then, after I barbecue the divinely created venison on my natural gas BBQ, I’ll put a sprig of parsley on the plate next to it. That seems like a more practical use of my time than your “science” of talking to plants to try to stave off the apocalypse.
NBC News is getting in on the climate nuttiness action as well. They’ve set up a website where you can “confess your climate sins” and post your response for the whole world to see. They call it the “Climate Confessions” project, while declaring with a straight face that they are the people who really believe in science.
The introduction to the web page declares, “Even those who care deeply about the planet’s future can slip up now and then. Tell us: Where do you fall short in preventing climate change?”
Since the vast majority of humans now believe that global warming is a total scam, most of the climate confessions on the site are from people mocking the warming cultists. I give it a week tops before NBC News takes down the Climate Confessions website while huffily declaring, “We obviously still have a lot of work to do in educating you stupid people about science!”
Not to be outdone by NBC News or Union Theological Seminary, the Democrat-controlled House of Representatives invited the magical global warming child name Greta from Europe to come testify before them. Young Greta has some mental challenges, but she also claims to have a superpower which allows her to “see” carbon in the air. Like all global warming science, this claim is a little bit iffy, so you’ll just have to take her word for it.
Greta lectured Congress, and by extension, all of America, that we are “not doing enough” to battle the scary carbon in the atmosphere that only she can see. So, the global warming cult even has its own mystic now!
Once again, President Trump has driven an entire swath of his enemies completely batty with a single comment. I couldn’t be more delighted! Now that the left is out in the open about the fact that global warming is a religion – complete with sin, confession, indulgences and mystics – we can finally rub their noses in that whole “separation of church and state” argument they’ve been using against Christians for years.
And what about YOU? Have you confessed your climate sins yet? If you need to get the burden of your climate sins off your chest, hit ‘Reply’ and let us know. We promise to read all responses out loud to a plastic Dieffenbachia Bush in the corner of my office, so that you will be forgiven!