Conservatives trust Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) about as far as any of us could throw him, but I have to say it’s tough to dislike the guy when he has such a great sense of humor. His enemies try to pin stupid nicknames on him, and then McConnell turns around and embraces those nicknames in his campaign materials.
Cocaine Mitch. The Murder Turtle. That’s hilarious!
A lot of conservatives are now bashing McConnell for not wrapping up the fake impeachment trial sooner – as in, before Trump gives the State of the Union speech. But I say “Bravo!” Because Cocaine Mitch may have just destroyed the Democrat Party.
The Democrats just don’t know it yet. They’re face-down on the pavement and they know something is terribly wrong. They can feel the life of their so-called political party ebbing away. And that chuckling sound that they can hear emanating from a dark alley nearby? That’s the Murder Turtle laughing at them for the audacity of stepping onto his turf.
The Great Trump Acquittal Vote will take place later today. And Monday was the all-important Iowa Caucuses in the Democrat Party’s nominating process. It’s vitally important that the candidates actually be physically present in Iowa, shaking hands, kissing babies, and pretending that they are somehow religious, in order to pull off a win in the first contest. This helps the campaigns to build momentum. It’s not a winner-take-all sort of thing, but it’s really important. And if you want to have a better showing in Iowa, you really have to be there.
So, where are the three Democrat US Senators who are vying for the 2020 nomination? They’re trapped in the Impeachment Chamber of Doom, thanks to Cocaine Mitch’s masterful use of the Senate calendar. You’ll just have to wait for several hours of super (not) important and boring speeches before you can catch a flight to Iowa, guys. That’s too bad. And remember, if you charter private flights to get to Iowa quicker, you’ll all look like total hypocrites due the massive carbon footprints you’re leaving. Just sayin’.
Maybe the Grand Bug-Eyed Wizard of the Coup Clutz Clan, Adam Schiff, will wrap up his impeachment speech early, just so the Senator candidates can get to Iowa sooner.
Spoiler alert: He didn’t.
If there’s a microphone available, Shifty Adam Schiff will definitely be running out the clock. It’s not like Schiff has a hopping Ed Buck House Party to get to in a hurry these days. And since the Trump Defense Team of Avengers is in on the joke with Cocaine Mitch, they’ll be using every minute of their available time as well.
Don’t blame McConnell for this one, Democrats. You did this to yourselves by trying to play petty tacticians against a master strategist like McConnell. First, you held onto the Articles of Impeachment for an entire month in the House because… reasons.
Second, you made it well known that this wasn’t a real impeachment and that you were just doing it to meddle in the 2020 election. Well guess what? Cocaine Mitch the Murder Turtle has just schooled you on how to really meddle in an election.
As of this writing, Bernie Sanders will be a top finisher if not the winner in the Iowa Caucuses. Holy cow! A real communist! That has the Democrat Party elites in a tailspin already.
Ever since Hillary’s CIA heart attack dart failed to take Bernie out of the race a few months ago, the DNC has been trying to figure out a way to rig the primaries. This is because they know that if Bernie wins the nomination, it will A) split their party in two, and B) ensure a 45- or 46-state Trump Reelection Landslide. Ha!
Bernie’s communist supporters will be enraged and will refuse to support Bloomberg or whatever other sacrificial lamb the establishment Dems decide to run. They’ll also light stuff on fire at the DNC convention next summer, which is always a good look for your political party.
By the time the process of DNC cheating and Bernie Bro fit-throwing is done, the left in America may actually have to split into two different parties. That will leave America with the Trump-loving conservative party in charge, and two smaller, ineffective, insignificant and powerless leftwing political parties – the Communists and the Clintonistas.
You could have just left Cocaine Mitch alone, Democrats. But you made him angry and you stepped onto his lawn. Now you’re going to pay the price.